An Insight into the psyche of a person who is going to commit suicide!

There was a rhythm in my speech and a jig in my walk. With the guitar on my back which had come down as a lineage from my brother ,I walked it down from my residence in Southern Avenue to the Kalighat metro station. Hopping and skipping down the stairs of the metro station, I noticed the metro station seemed rather empty. I took the queue to buy the ticket when a guy come up to me (I guess he was charmed by my mood) and said in a rather made up manly tone ,‘The metro aint moving, no use buying the ticket’. For a second I was shocked beyond words, all my hopes of playing “500 miles” on my guitar came clashing down like a castle of cards!
I went straight towards the man in authority, he was tall and well build anyway he informed me n his lingo that presumably a middle aged lad had committed suicide on the tracks! I could gather bits and pieces of how he asked for a metro ticket and jumped in front of the moving train. Feeling dizzy and burdened by the thought of how people noticed the lad walking down the stairs disillusioned and sad and how mercilessly the mean machine had crushed the body ,I called up my friend and informed her that I wouldn’t make it to the guitar classes that day. The walk back home was very different from what it was towards the metro station. I trod upon the same platform pulling myself against the gravitational pull of the earth and my heavy thoughts!
I thought why would anyone willingly chose such a brutal death? That last leap for the unfortunate lad was a jump from one world to another .His mind would be plundered by many depressing thoughts. I am a pessimist myself, I always find the glass half empty!
Those railway tracks do have a magnetic pull in tem hence I always make It a point to move back when the metro approaches as it’s a second of dismay, misery and uselessness of the world which does the trick and the next second you are flying in the thin air sailing your way towards the heaven or hell, undecided.
Many a times I have seen my friends lose hope and indulge in smoking , a way to kill and do away with all the realities of life , I must say I am no exception.
But even in those heavy thoughts small events and instances make a colossal difference. Few months back unable to crack the entrances for the top rated national law schools ,the world had come to a end for me and all that was left for me was the chidings of my father, who was hell bend at making me believe that I was good for nothing and that I would end up being a moron In like which undoubtedly followed many harsh words, they pierced in to me like poisonous needles and weary of the world around me my pen wrote :-
“In the brutal stampede of competition,
I have my own blood pulling me down ,
Misery trods upon the lonely platform,
Where all my eyes witness is the fatal destiny,
Which waits upon the bloody tracks.”
These lines haunt me now, I have accepted the fate that law was not my cup of tea and that life is the only asset I have and that I cannot let it slip through my fingers like sand.
I don’t really know where life is going to take me, I might leave behind things on my way. A path which doesn’t lead to success ,its just a brutal battle for survival till destiny knocks you down into nothingness !

significance of the mortal blows !

shattered by the blows of life ,
i still crave for a bright future,

never did i think that
life would pass by me unattended ,

And i would stand helpless ,
trying to hold on to what could have been there,but never was,

moved by my inner self,
i had forgotten that a woman from a dismal bearing ....

has to stand alone and defeated !

Walking past by my own self

Here I lay all Alone,
His thoughts being my only companion .
Deep into the darkness of the night ,
I pray for his return with all my might .

Morning came With flickering light,
Making my misery too bright.
Neva ask a woman to talk about her pain,
All she'll do is cry in vain.

As the unfriendly hours pass by,
i finally thought to spread my wings and fly.
The fight, I knew wouldn't be smooth,
All i can do is think over it and brood.

Leaving all the unpleasant thoughts aside,
I enter into this selfish world for another ride.
Finally came the dark night,
And I hid myself away from every ones sight .

.....

Once upon a time - long, long ago - there lived a child. This child was innocent, curious, and playful. It came into the world filled with joy, smiles, and a heart full of love to share. As the child grew, from time to time there was hurt - sometimes small, sometimes large. There were moments when the child felt misunderstood, belittled, or unimportant. At other times, it felt stifled, controlled, or ashamed. Each of these events left a wound or a scar - a sensitivity within the psyche of the child. Emotional themes developed - perhaps one of abandonment or another of being engulfed by others.

Now - years later - this child has become an adult having relationships with other adults. But what happened to those wounds and sensitivities? Did they simply vanish? Were they somehow healed? Or do they remain somewhere deep in the psyche of this adult, affecting his or her relationships?

The Helpless : Lust's last prey.

Noida n Delhi police is back in news again. With every incident that is flashed as headlines and breaking news the scene gets brutal. Each and every incident makes us imagine that the scenario cannot get worse then the present one. The next one comes to us like a bolt from the blue, a thought that may be beyond common man's imagination.
Who would have thought that a man in his late fifties would commit such a brutal offence, which is beyond imagination? A man, who has a son of his own, goes on killing and brutally killing small helpless children for pure lust. One must imagine the limits which his lust would have reached, the craving for flesh and blood, that he not only kills small girls but also cut them in to pieces.
A girl who had just completed early six years of her life, who doesn’t even know that what was being done to her was raped and killed .
There were over hundred children missing from that area for over a year but our so called democratic country who claims it self to be improving both socially and economically paid no heed to it. As all the celebrated people were busy with the nuclear deal and New Year plans.
That is the dark reality of today’s so called democratic country, on one hand we have a mother fighting and getting beaten up by the police and on the other hand we have Mallika Sherawat dancing on the sizzinling numberson the New Years Eve. On one hand we have pain and on the other hand we have happy celebrations.
Some one said that this world is a global village, but India is still in its tribal ages .where an offence is committed and the offender moves free for ages, til he is caught if at all he's aught that is.
This incident throws light on the working of the government in India. The residents had been complaining of the stench from that area and on the other hand municipality was engaged in constructing roads in posh areas. The Noida police asked the helpless parents to report in the Delhi police station and all that these unfortunate people were left with was hope of seeing and meeting third children again.Ignorent of the fact that when they were the prey of some maniac's lust.
The extent of the brutality of Moninder Singh is unbelievable. He after molesting and raping this lesser Mortal people disposed their bodies in the most brutal and cruel manner, his servant used to keep 'heads' in one bag and the bodies in another.
On being interviewed all that the commissioner of the Delhi police had to say was that ' it was an unfortunate incident '. He has a son of his own and the scene would have been very different if his son was abducted.
People in today’s world do not go beyond their own interest, the condition is decorating day by day.Saddam Hussian was too much in news, and India had placed its views about the issue. One must stop and ponder, that isn’t this case a bigger and more brutal than that one.
In today’s fight to survive India is losing its identity and is becoming a mere puppet in the hands of the higher powers. It is improving in technology but lacks human values.

Final combat

So much to do ….

So much to ask for…..

Life aint easy have to fyt ….

Ask me how ask me why all I’l say is lemme try

I don’t wanna hurt u I don’t wanna cry

All I wanna do is make u sigh

All I want is peace ful life

Aah All all mighty

U still male me strife

Life aint easy u gotto to be true

And then all u get is a bolt from the blue…

The lest u expect the less u get ………..

Down in the mud …..u die in distress

Dearest diary,

Well to much is going on in my brain today,

I was involved in serius thought process today,

Well I shouldn’t be wasteing my time like this anymre now..

Have to work hard,have to chalk out plans.
.i lack determination.
.have to build that in me.
.i have to set goals in life.
.n achieve them…
I think I should cut down on net
,and should start my preparations will full determination now .
I am gonna achieve them,
have
to be a winner in life
…its in my blood I have to HAVE to do it..
Nothing is impossible and difficult in life…
if u have it in u ,u can do it

The mantra is to TRUST your self ..believe in you sabika…n u can do it…

Help me god,
Wish me luck,
sabika